Loneliness can be a complex and deeply personal experience, and there’s no right or wrong way to experience it. It’s not the same as simply being alone. You may feel perfectly content without much contact with others, while someone in a similar situation might feel isolated.
Reflecting on my journey, I experienced this firsthand during my maternity leave. Having my first daughter was one of the happiest moments of my life, yet I encountered unexpected moments of loneliness. I was thrilled to be a mother, but sometimes I felt isolated, especially when I didn’t have other adults around to share these precious but challenging moments.
Once my husband returned to work and my mother, who had come over from Brazil to help me for three months, returned home, I was alone for much of the day. My sister, my only family nearby, worked full-time, and most of my friends didn’t have children. I took my daughter to playgroups, parks, and singing classes. Still, despite being around other parents and carers, I found it hard to make real connections.
Opening up about loneliness & finding support
I vividly remember one evening when I shared my feelings with my husband. I told him I always considered myself friendly and able to make friends easily, but at that point, I felt no one wanted to be my friend. I missed having someone to chat with, go for a walk while our babies napped, or share a cup of coffee.
In these lonely moments, my mother became my rock. Despite being thousands of miles away, she was always there for me. Although we didn’t have FaceTime then, we relied on Skype, I would spend at least an hour every day talking to her. This daily call became part of my routine, providing comfort and connection. As my daughter grew and started talking, she would join these calls, having tea parties and playing dolls with her vovó (grandmother in Portuguese). Even though it was all virtual, those moments felt special, bringing warmth and joy to our days.
Ways to manage loneliness
Looking back, I feel lucky to have had my mother’s support. I know that not everyone has this kind of connection, which is why it’s so important to find ways to manage loneliness. If you are feeling isolated during maternity leave or at any point in life, here are some tips from the mental health charity MIND that might help:
- Get comfortable in your own company: Try to enjoy those moments by yourself. Pick up a hobby or find something you love that brings you peace.
- Talk to people you know: Sharing how you feel with family or friends can really help. Regular chats can make a big difference, even if they aren’t nearby.
- Take your time: Making new friends or connections doesn’t happen overnight. Let it happen naturally without putting too much pressure on yourself.
- Meet new people: Join local baby groups or online communities. Even small interactions can turn into friendships over time.
- Don’t compare yourself to others: Social media only shows the best bits of people’s lives. Everyone has their own path, so focus on what feels right for you.
- Look after yourself: Make time for rest, eat well, and do things that bring you joy. Self-care is essential.
- Consider talking therapies: Sometimes, a professional can give you the tools to manage loneliness and feel better.
Remember, different things work for different people. If something doesn’t feel right, try something else or revisit it later. Be kind to yourself and take things one step at a time.
If you’re finding it hard to cope with loneliness and nothing seems to help, have a chat with your GP or a healthcare professional. There’s no shame in asking for help.
